Craziness

Now you know you've made it when you have people you've never ever met in person trying to imitate you. I'm talking regular everyday Joe Schmoe people having their cyber identities jacked. Now that some swagger jacking for ya azzz!! I'm amused and amazed by human being everyday. If these people would apply this much energy to positive things that could actually make a difference in society they'll probably have their own swagger and advance to actually being somebody worth noticing.

While I'm a on roll...

I like to treat everybody equally so while I'm venting about my work woes, I also want to speak about my other co-worker, I call her the church or the hyena. She likes to back up or defend the SAB I told you about earlier. Now we never really took to each other. I guess being of the same zodiac sign, I just think our personalities clash. But that is ok with me. No love gained so no love lost. But when ever the SAB says something the church likes to say "AMEN". But the funny part is a few months back when the SAB and the church wasn't speaking they were acting just like me and the SAB are acting now. So how good of friends are you two hhhhmmmm.

Now I know you may wonder where I get hyena from , well I consider the SAB like "scar" from the lion king, of course I'm "mufasa", then there is the hyena. In the movie the hyena only got heart when scar killed mufasa and took over the jungle. Only I will not die and she can take over all she wants when I leave. But until then she will wait patiently and the hyena will laugh behind her in the shadow.

Boiling Over

I was trying so hard to not turn this into any angry blog, but I have to let off this steam. For awhile now I've been trying to get my "grown woman" on. You know going back to school, looking into buying my first home, building my relationship so we can be a family, you know all the good stuff. But it seems like everytime I turn around BOOM!!! there goes negativity. It comes in all forms. The school placing me in unsatisfactory academic status, CCIS telling me I'm doing to much "Overtime" to contuine subsidy, my job not looking hard enough into the 5 months of back overtime they owe me, my mom trying to put her hands into my pockets, but worse of all is "HIM". Now he hasn't done anything to stop me per-say but he isn't doing anything to help me. Now those of you who know me, know I have given more than enough chances for him to get his shit together. More so for the sake of my daughter and her future siblings(yes I plan to have more) but I also did not want to become a statistic. But more than days than ever before I feel like Keyshia Cole is my narrator "if he ain't gonna love you they way he should then LET IT GO!"

What makes matters worse is the fact that us doing this together is much easier on him than it is on me. i don't want to look at our relationship as a business deal, but if you did it just makes much more sense to do it together. Every time I ask how he feels about "us" he always gives his I want us to be together things are just sooo hard for me right now spill. I am so sick of his whining it is ridiculous. I feel like screaming as I type this because this is so frustrating. I feel so dumb for even having to sit down and put this all out there instead of just saying "Peace Out, deal with your own problems by yourself." I mean I know we have to communicate, we have a child together, but I so wish I could go Jesus with an exchange slip and get her a new daddy. I love my child with all the fibers that make up me, but I wish I bought her here under better circumstances.

I will give my child the best life I can with or without her fathers' willful help(oh because he WILL help) and hopefully she can do for her child what I wish we could have done for her.

HE is such a loser!!!!

Cash Rules Everything Around Me

I am trying sooo hard to get on track for this house saving. I'm trying to harass companies that owe me money, bargaining with companies that I owe money, trying to cut back on unnecessary spending while still trying to enjoy the fruits of my labor. This shit is hard! Baby needs a whole new wardrobe, I want upgrades. When will this end!? Never, I know. But I need a break from daily spendage to just try to calculate and figure it all out. It will work it self out, I know but some time the end seems so far away. "The sacrifice will all be worth it later" i just have to keep telling myself.


until later


Over & Out

GIMME A BREAK

Sometimes don't you wish you could just push the pause button on everything around you so you could get some things done and jump right back into life? Well I do. My life is in overdrive right now. With little one, work, soon school, trying to clear my credit so I can contemplate a house in the near future. Looking for a new job so I can comfortably afford this house. I just wish I could push pause. Doing this all by myself gets a little overwhelming sometimes, but I'm managing. Although, lately I've been having the sudden urge to be married. I don't know why. It could be my half assed sorry unofficial proposal from an ex, it could be that becoming a mom has made me feel like I need to be a wife, or it could be the baby's recent 4:45 am wakings and talks makes me wish I wasn't doing this alone. Either way, right now I keep wishing I'd wake up and be married already. I am feeling the need to come home, hand baby off, get dinner ready, we all sit down to eat, we play with little one, then get her settled and in bed, then on to grown up time. But that far from what happens and far from happening anytime soon. So for right now I guess I'll keep getting up and talking with little one until she off in sleepy land again. I know it is going to be a challenge but I know I can do it. I half want to do it alone so I can pat myself on the back say "I am every woman".

Nah who am I kidding. Mr. Right please hurry!!!

Over & Out